Families at War

We are a family at the start of a war against our collective and sometimes overwhelming fears, apprehensions, and feelings of separation. Each a strong emotion experienced when our loved one leaves home and is militarily deployed to Afghanistan.

We are a family that now faces a long-haul journey of worry about our loved one. Each of us knowing from past experience that in the months to come we will become obsessed with every Afghanistan news report that we read, watch, and hear - particularly those that mention 45 Commando Royal Marines from Arbroath.

In our case, it is our 20 year old son who will be on our minds during every waking hour of the next 6 months. We are an ordinary family with an extraordinary son who is a much-loved member of an extended family.

He is a Royal Marine Commando.

Our son has gone to war in Afghanistan and he says that he is doing it for his mates, his Country, and because it is his job. He is focussed, dedicated, well-trained, and willing to pay the ultimate price to protect his fellow Marines, the family he loves, and the Country that he serves. Just like every other Royal Marine, he plays it down and has quietly packed his personal belongings, sorted out his paperwork, written his Will, and has said his goodbyes before boarding a military aeroplane heading for a war zone. For the second time in his young life, he has had to leave us and face the reality of war.

He will now have to function for many months in a far off land without his natural family around him, working closely with his military family, and governed carefully by a Task Force Commander in one of the most dangerous places on earth.

As his family, we have each prepared ourselves for the inevitable day of departure to Afghanistan. We have had our family Christmas and have enjoyed his extended home-leave. We have attended the traditional family day, at his Arbroath base, and we have carefully read the Families’ Guide booklet provided to us by his unit. We have respectfully listened to the reassurances of the Lieutenant Colonel who, on the family day, presented the cold facts of war to hundreds of parents, wives, partners and family members, who each now face the same long-haul journey as ourselves - while their loved man leaves the UK to carry out his essential duty.

Our men, our own ‘boot-neck’ heroes, now face the reality of war and the possible loss of life that often accompanies it. The families at home, many who are just like us, now pay a hidden price for the democratic freedom that we share. We now face a personal war against the worry and separation caused by another military tour known as Operation Herrick 14.

The experience we endure can impact our daily living with such power that it can occasionally brings us to a dead-stop - causing us to dysfunction. It is in these moments that we rely on each other for love and support and also when we have to remind ourselves that the UK presence in Afghanistan is vital to our national security and vital to the continuing peace and security that our family takes for granted.

As the immediate family of our young Royal Marine, we have a comprehensive and direct line of welfare support provided by the military, which is second to none in its sensitivity and awareness of how deployment affects family members. The wider family and friends have us as a line of communication which is often used for reassurance that the last news report of a death was not referring to our son.

Every family member fights this war in an individual way. As a Dad, I have to remain strong, hiding my fears and tears from those around me, and often juggling with overwhelming emotions while trying to get on with work and dealing with the practical responsibilities of raising a young family. I have to be a lantern of hope with a constant message of assurance to my wife, my young children, and the wider family. I have to have the answers for my younger children when they watch the news and then ask me if their brother will die in Afghanistan.

I am sure that many other members of the wider 45 Royal Marine Commando family have a similar experience and carry the same burden.

Intellectually, I understand that our son is not facing the terrors of war without his comrades standing shoulder to shoulder alongside him. I know the Royal Marines have the best and toughest training in the World - which has prepared them for what is now faced in Afghanistan. I also know that he could be more vulnerable to harm or even death in a British night-club - if he was facing a drunk holding a knife. However, the reality of our knowledge about the war in Afghanistan, and the constant images and news reports that we will now be absorbing in the coming months, will all serve as daily triggers for feelings of pride that are often wrapped in moments of overpowering helplessness and the desperate desire to get our son home safe as soon as possible.

As the months pass our family focus will slowly divert to his safe return and, after his military decompression, we will be celebrating his 21^st Birthday and putting the next tour to the back of our minds.