Do I lie for my child, is it the only option?

Today I have a dilemma; my mind is in a state of uncertainty. I have not slept all night while tossing the pros and cons around in my head. I am perplexed with having to make a choice between equally unfavourable options. On the one hand, I can just tell a lie. It all seems quite clear - as simple as simple can be. On the other hand, my lie could be a very big mistake with a serious consequence if I am found out - affecting the whole family.

Lying for our children is an occupational hazard for any parent. Of course, we tell them, as they grow, that lying is very wrong. We then proceed and tell them lies about all sorts of things.

Do not sit their reading this Hub thinking to yourself ‘I don’t lie to my children!’ because I would bet my last coin that you have. For example, what have you told them about Father Christmas, fairies, the bogie man, and eating crusts? Think about it,

• Father Christmas will come down the chimney
• The fairies have taken away your old toothbrush
• The bogie man will get you if you get out of bed
• If you do not eat your crusts your hair will not grow
• The tooth fairy has left you a gift under your pillow
• ?
• ?

You can fill in the blanks with your own untruths.

Indeed, we all lie about all sorts of stuff and the level and depth of each lie is something we all have control of and later perhaps a level of guilt or regret with the benefit of hindsight.

However, most of our lying, to our children at least, is simply part of our attempt to protect them from undesirable truths or unpleasant facts that may depress or confuse them if they knew the truth too early in life. Imagine telling your five-year old daughter that Father Christmas and fairies do not exist, and yes, babies do come out of your front bottom after a boy has stuck his wee-wee inside it.! I shudder at the thought of that one. No, I prefer the ‘truthful answer’.

Babies come from…. Actually, my darling, you need to ask mummy – daddy is a little busy writing on his computer now!

I thought the need to lie would end when the children became older, wiser, and independent. How wrong was I?

I admit that my older children have often relied on my willingness to tell a lie on their behalf, usually to help them side step the consequence of a minor mistake, or to avoid an ex-friend. I have told ‘porkpies’ to help them get jobs, buy cars, get bank accounts, credit, mortgages and…, well the list just grows as the children travel through their teenage years and into adult life.

Sometimes, they do not ask you to tell a lie but a situation arises that you know will cause them misery, and you quickly prepare a lie on their behalf. You simply want to protect them from the serious consequences of their own stupidity, inexperience, or naivety.

I face a dilemma today. Do I lie and protect a loved one from a mistake that may have serious consequences on their quality of life for a year or so – and take the risk of perverting something called ‘justice’ or do I step back, say nothing, and let a loved one learn a potentially life saving lesson?.

I know they are not children when they are adults, and yes I know they have to face their own mistakes, but I find it hard not to step-in and change things when I can. (I have a dell boy inside me that can fix just about anything when he puts his mind to it)

I simply want to protect - it is an instinctive urge I have to fight. I have to use my head, I have to apply logic and not allow my heart to overrule common sense.

I think I know the answer now!